FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES | MESSAGES | STATUSES | WISHES

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

Want to spread happiness with some of the best Funny Birthday Jokes , looking inside all of the birthday cards to find the right one, prefer to send an e-Card to your friend on his or her special day, or even like making your own, there are many different ways you can make a message that is just the right to wish well for your friend.

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

  • Chuck Norris ate his birthday cake before anybody had the chance to tell him that there was a stripper inside.

  • Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Jimmy.
    Jimmy who?
    Jimmy birthday cake! I’m starving!

  • You don’t get smarter when you become older. There just aren’t so many stupid things left that you haven’t done yet.
    The problem with getting older is you get dry dreams and wet farts.

  • Q: What do you give a Tasmanian devil for his birthday?
    A: I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

  • Father: Happy birthday my boy! And what would you like as a gift?

    Son: A dog.

    Father: I’m sorry, but you know that’s not possible.

    Son: Ok, then I want to be the father for one day and you the son.

    Father: Ok, no problem.

    Son: Fantastic. Son, get dressed, we’ll go to the animal shelter to look for a nice puppy.

  • You’re not getting old. You’re getting classy.

  • It’s my wife’s birthday on Monday.
    I asked her last month what she would like to get as a present. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she told me, ‘anything with diamonds would be lovely.” I bet she’s going to love her brand new set of playing cards!

  • What’s the best type of present?

    Yet another present!

  • Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Mark.
    Mark who?
    Mark your calendars ladies and gentlemen . . . my birthday is coming!

  • “Wow, this birthday cake sure is crunchy.”

    “It’s usually not supposed to be eaten with the plate!”

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES 2017

  • How to tell you’re getting old? You visit an antique auction and get bid on by four people.
    Are we becoming older and wiser?

    No, we’re becoming older and wider!

  • Old people shouldn’t eat health foods.
    They need all the preservatives they can get.
    ~ Robert Orben

  • A word of wisdom for you on your birthday:
    Smile while you’ve still got teeth!
    Happy Birthday!

  • Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them.
    This also applies to your birthday.
    Your birthdays are safe with me.

  • Why are birthday’s good for you?
    Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!

  • Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
    In a cat-alogue!

  • Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
    Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

  • “Were any famous men born on your birthday?”
    “No, only little babies.”

  • I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you’re set on fire,
    and then eaten by the hero that saved you.

  • If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…
    You can always change your birthday on facebook!

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FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES | MESSAGES

  • Chinese kid was born before the due date.
    Parents named him Sudden Lee.

  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

  • Marriage is the alliance of two people,
    one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

  • How can you tell that you’re getting old?
    You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

  • My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

  • What goes up and never comes down?
    Your age!

  • It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies.
    That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

  • You know you’re fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

  • What did one candle say to the other?
    “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”

  • The best way to remember your 21st birthday is not at all.
    Have fun blacking out.

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES | STATUSES

  • I’d like to say the best moment of a woman’s life is giving birth, but it’s actually seeing an old nemesis and realizing she got really fat.

  • My mom’s favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18-year-old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.

  • Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.

  • For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
    People come and go but birthdays do accrue.
    Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
    –Edward Morykwas

  • Let’s Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
    Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
    Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
    A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.

  • Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.
    I told my computer that today is my birthday,
    and it said I needed an upgrade.

  • The old lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 110th birthday. “What do you think is the reason for your long life?” they asked her.  “Oh,” she replied, “I suppose it’s because I was born such a long time ago.”
    I’ll never make the mistake of being 70 again.
    –Casey Stengel

  • Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
    A:  Another year older!

  • Q: What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
    A:  A trunk full of gifts!

  • Q: What do you give a 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
    A:  I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES | SAYINGS

  • Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
    I intend to live forever — so far, so good!
    –Stephen Wright

  • Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
    –W.C. Fields

  • You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake…
    You still chase women, but only downhill.
    –Bob Hope

  • Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
    –Satchel Paige

  • There’s a silver lining to being a cancer survivor.
    People said to me, “Are you freaked out that you’re turning 50?”
    Hell, no.  I’m thrilled to be turning 50.
    –Fran Drescher

  • Don’t worry about temptation — as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.

  • “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
    “Next time don’t eat the candles.”

  • Rock stars used to say, “Don’t trust anyone over 30!”
    Now that many are over 50 they say, “Oops, we didn’t mean us.”

  • If there are 23 people in a room, there’s a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday. It’s been proven mathematically.

  • A Story from Soupy Sales:
    It’s a hot day–there’s a traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas when he sees a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a house.  So he stops and says to the little old man, “You look as if you don’t have a care in the world!  What’s your formula for a long and happy life?”
    And the little old man says, “Well, I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week.  I never wash and I go out every night; I don’t get to bed until four in the morning.”
    And the guy says, “Wow, that’s just great.  How old are you?”
    And the little man says, “Twenty-two.”
    Blowing out candles is a good exercise for the lungs, FunnyBirthday Jokes.

BEST FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

  • Where would you learn to make ice cream?
    At sundae school.

  • What is the left side of a birthday cake?
    The side that’s not eaten.

  • You know you’re getting older when…
    it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

  • Think about this:
    Real birthdays are not annual affairs.
    Real birthdays are the days when we have a new birth.
    –Ralph Parlette

  • The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
    Time and tide wait for no sandcastle,
    no matter how well it’s built.
    All the world’s a stage,
    And all the men and women merely players.
    They have their exits and entrances,
    And one man in his time plays many parts.
    –William Shakespeare

  • What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
    They were all born on holidays.

  • Nice to be here? At my age, it’s nice to be anywhere.
    –George Burns

  • What does every birthday end with?
    Y!

  • Happy birthday to you…and many more!

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES Q&A

  • Q: What does every happy birthday end with?
    A: The letter Y.

  • Q: What is the left side of a birthday cake?
    A: The side that’s not eaten.

  • Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
    A:  Another year older!

  • Q: Why did Susan stand on her head at the birthday party?
    A:  They were having upside-down cake!

  • Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?
    A: It was a sappy one!

  • Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
    A: “Hey, what’s eating you?”

  • Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
    A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

  • Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
    A: When it’s been sliced.

  • Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
    A: “Hi, Buster.”

  • Q: What did one candle say to another candle?
    A: “Don’t birthdays burn you up?”

ALL-TIME FAVORITE FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES Q&A

  • Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
    A: Because it was marble cake!

  • Q: What does a clam do on his birthday?
    A: He shellabrates!

  • Q: What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
    A: Shortcake!

  • Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
    A: A birthday pheasant!

  • Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
    A: Musical Hares.

  • Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
    A: “Thanks. I’ll never part with it!”

  • Q: Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
    A: No, they both burn shorter!

  • Q: What goes up and never comes down?
    A: Your age!

  • Q: What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
    A:  Happy Birthday to Moo!

  • Q: Why did Tommy hit his birthday cake with a hammer?
    A:   It was a pound cake!

SPECIAL FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

  • Q: What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
    A:  You’re cool!

  • Q: What did the elephant wish for on his birthday?
    A:  A trunkful of presents!

  • When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

  • My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes – but where can you find a bloodshot tie?

  • My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people’s birthdays. She says she doesn’t think people would like margarine as a present.

  • It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
    “Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”
    That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

  • Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
    A: “Happy Birthday To Gnu!”

  • “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
    Next time, take off the candles.”

  • Q: Did you hear about the flag’s birthday?
    A: It was a flappy one!

  • Q: Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?
    A: It was a sappy one!

     

Funny Birthday Wishes For Friends

  • Happy birthday, dear friend. A friend in need is a friend in deed; I’m in need of your car, to have it as mine, can you give it to me as a mark of being a friend indeed?

  • Happy birthday, my great friend. I wish you long life, and I’m sure you love that wish. But, let me warn; the day you start buying anti-aging cream, you may intercept the long-life wish, because aging is the only way to live a long life!

  • Happy 45th birthday, my friend. Don’t worry about the increasing wrinkles, you should rather be grateful for your blessings.

  • Happy birthday to my lovely friend. The best facial makeover as you get older is smiles all the way.

  • Cracking a Birthday Joke | Huge List of Funny Birthday Messages and Wishes

  • My dear girlfriend, how old are you today? Never mind, I already know the answer as always, +1. Best wishes on your birthday,Funny BirthdayJokes.

  • They said time heals all scars. So, as you get older, expect your scars (emotional and otherwise) to be healed…But, that doesn’t include wrinkles anyway. In fact, the wrinkles get worse as you age. Happy birthday, dear friend.

  • There’s one thing that can definitely make you live long and enjoy long life, and that is aging. So, don’t be afraid to age, it’s the best prescription for long life! Happy birthday to a wonderful friend.

  • Needless to ask what you need as a birthday present, dear friend. Since you are obsessed with chocolate, I’ve invited the chocolate company to your birthday, so that you can have over-doze of it. Best birthday wishes to a lovely friend.

  • What Connects Us : Birthday Wishes for All Kinds of Best Friends,Funny Birthday Jokes.

 

Hilarious Birthday Messages for Friends

  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred! Happy Birthday!

  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here! Happy Birthday!

  • Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something! Happy Birthday!

  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age! Happy Birthday!

  • If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!

  • Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!

  • Happy Birthday to a friend, who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!

  • Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know! Happy Birthday!

  • Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave! Happy Birthday!

  • On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old! Happy Birthday!

  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding! Happy Birthday!

  • Friend, calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake! Happy Birthday!

  • Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents! Happy Birthday!

  • As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like always use Bengay! Happy Birthday!

  • Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are! Happy Birthday!

  • Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years! You don’t have that kind of time! Happy Birthday!

FEW MORE FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

  • Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
    A: “Hey, what’s eating you?”

  • Q: Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?
    A: It was a tappy one!

  • “I guess I didn’t get my birthday wish.”
    “How do you know?” ?
    “You’re still here!”

  • Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
    A: He wanted to have a birthday potty!

  • Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
    A: Musical Hares.

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES (IMAGES)

  • Gave my co-worker the Heimlich maneuver. Proving once again I’m no good at birthday gifts.

  • It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

  • How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

  • Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him Sudden Lee.

  • I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

  • Happy birthday, Bono. I wanted to get you the perfect present, but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

  • Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

  • I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

  • Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”

 

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

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