Funny Christmas Quotes – Funny Christmas Quotes For Cards

funny Christmas quotes

FUNNY CHRISTMAS QUOTES

Funny Christmas quotes are a collection of epic quotes. Eighty-four days more to go and it is Christmas. Despite the fact that it is two months away, we never neglect to make a commencement when September begins. A few of us are now beginning some Shopping for Christmas presents while some are as of now adopting new Christmas formulas to cook for Nochebuena. This day happens once in a year that is the reason it is essential to praise it with our family, companions, and extraordinary somebody. In spite of the fact that, we can simply feel the soul of Christmas whenever of the year by living with the soul of giving and adoring. As we sit tight for the most anticipated day of the year, we have gathered motivational Christmas cites you can partake ahead of time to anybody.

funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes

  • “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”-Don Marquis

  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

  • “There’s something about Christmas that’s magical. Money just seems to disappear into thin air.”- Melanie White

  • “Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”- Erma Bombeck

Christmas Quotes Funny

  • “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”– Garrison Keillor

  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    0
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    1
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    2
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    3
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    4
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    5
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    6
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    7
  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    8

 

Christmas Quotes Funny

  • “Because of some defect in my motor skill, I can never COMPLETELY wrap [gifts]….If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh’s body would be covered only by scotch tape.”-Dave Barry

    9
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    0

    “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    1
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    2

 

funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas quotes

        Funny Christmas Quotes

  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    3
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    1
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    5
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    6
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    7

 

Merry Christmas Funny Quotes

  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    8
  • “As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.”- Andy Borowitz

    9
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    0
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    1
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    2
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    3
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    4
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    5
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    6
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    7
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    8
  • “I was going to exchange my brother one time after Christmas, but my mom would never tell me where he came from”.- Melanie White

    9
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    0
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    1

 

Merry Christmas Funny Quotes

  • “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”-Johnny Carson
  • “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.”-Johnny Carson
  • “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”– Garrison Keillor
  • “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”– Henny Youngman
  • “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”– Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.”– Lenore Hershey
  • “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”-Larry Wilde
  • “For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!”– Anne Bristow

 

  • funny Christmas quotes

    funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes

  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    2
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    3
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    4
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    5
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    6
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    7
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    8
  • “The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”- John Cleese

    9
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    0
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    1
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    2

 

Christmas Quotes Funny
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    3
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    4
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    5
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    6
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    7
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    8
  • “I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”- Bridger Winegar

    9

 

Christmas Quotes Funny 
  • “As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.”– Donald E. Westlake
  • “Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”– Author Unknown
  • “A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”– Author Unknown

funny Christmas quotes

funny Christmas quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes

  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    0
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    1
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    2
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    3
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    4
Merry Christmas Quotes Funny
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    5
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    6
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    7
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.”-P.J. O’Rourke

    8
Funny Christmas Quotes
  • “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”– Shirley Temple
  • “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?”– Matt Groening
  • “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.”-Carol Nelson
  • “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”– Tom Armstrong

 

funny Christmas quotes

funny Christmas quotes

 

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